As someone who has been single for a long time, I’m all too aware that most of the conversations had around singledom focus on how to find a partner. As if that should be your sole purpose in life if you’re unattached.
And I know that I’m guilty of falling into that trap too. I have a whole archive of posts about dressing for a first date, writing online dating profiles and redefining dating rules.
Being single can be a great time to explore the world and take advantage of all the opportunities that come with it. One of the best things about being single is the ability to attend and participate in Singles Events. These events can provide an opportunity to meet new people, find new interests, and even form meaningful relationships.
But today I want to change the conversation we have around being single. And instead of discussing the myriad of ways you can attempt to couple-up, let’s focus on why being single is actually pretty damn amazing.
Now, don’t get me wrong, this isn’t to say I’m full of Samantha Jones confidence. Like anyone, there are days when I find being single really, f***ing hard. And, it’s important to point out that many (if not all) of the “perks” I list below can also be enjoyed in relationships. So this isn’t a declaration that being single is better than being in a relationship, or vice versa.
I just thought it was about time we changed some of the language we use around being single, and celebrated the positives. Because there are many…
The Best Things About Being Single
1. Texting back-and-forth with your best single girlfriends after a first date to share all of the juicy gossip. Often times this post-date debrief is more fun than the date itself. You’re always rooting for each other, and there’s a true sense of camaraderie. Here is the full transcript of one of my recent, more entertaining, date debriefs…
Sol: You were on a date? How was it?
Me: Yep. Just on my way home now. I REALLY need a wee! Other than that it was good.
Sol: Come on, what type of a review is that?
Me: The important kind.
I just found a toilet at the station though
JOY!!! That was a delightful wee.
Sol: HOW WAS YOUR DATE? I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR BLADDER
Me: Not as good as that wee, but it was definitely good.
2. You don’t have to divide your time for family and friends up between your partners’ family and friends too. In Everything I Know About Love Dolly Alderton makes the observation that once her friends started settling down their priorities changed, and began to look more like the following:
Family > Boyfriend > Boyfriend’s family > Boyfriend’s friends > Friends
Now, before anyone in a relationship takes offence at this, let me say a few things first… 1) This isn’t true of every person in a relationship. 2) Dolly was mainly making this point to demonstrate the fact that women typically make more of an effort to immerse themselves in their partners’ lives than men do. And 3) There is absolutely nothing wrong with changing your priorities when you fall in love.
But, the great thing about being single, is you can dedicate ALL of your free time to your own family and friends. And that is an everyday luxury we often completely ignore. So, whilst you’re single, enjoy the fact that you get to do this.
3. You can be more independent when it comes to travel. Again, this isn’t to say that it’s impossible to enjoy solo adventures when you’re in a relationship (I know plenty of people who do). But, generally speaking, it’s easier to take advantage of this option when you’re single.
I’ve travelled solo numerous times, over the years, and have always found that I learnt a lot about myself and grew in the process. And I’m planning to book a week-long yoga retreat for early 2019, which is something I’ve wanted to do for a while. I’m not sure that I’d treat myself to an indulgent, solo retreat if I was in a relationship, so I want to make it a priority while I can.
4. You can sleep in the middle of the bed, spread out like a starfish. And you don’t have to fight anyone for the lion’s share of the covers.
5. You can date yourself. I referenced Samantha Jones at the top of the post, and am going to give her a shout-out again. Because her line from the Sex and the City movie when she’s breaking up with Smith Jerrod is iconic. “I love you, but I love me more,” she tells him.
Those are some pretty powerful words, right? And that’s the wonderful thing about being single: you can love yourself the most, every day!
Lately I’ve been trying to do a much better job of loving myself. I’ve started buying expensive coffee for lazy weekend mornings at home, I’ve given myself more time to do the things I enjoy (reading, yoga etc). And even enrolled in Spanish lessons, because I’ve wanted to learn the language for such a long time.
Again, you can obviously show yourself love even if you’re in a relationship. But, if you are single, why not throw all of your energy into loving yourself? I promise you’ll have a lot of fun!
