The net is full of dating advice for men. “How to find a date,” “How to win her over,” “How to do this or that,” and so on. Yet, advice for women seems to be few and far between.
So, we thought we’d put together some helpful tips for single women to hopefully help some of you ladies on your quest for a stable and lasting relationship.
1. Even when actively looking for a relationship, remember that not every date is a potential mate
When many women start looking for a serious relationship, our entire attitude toward the dating process changes drastically. This isn’t necessarily bad or wrong, of course – if you’re looking for something new and different, you ought to approach it in a new and different way.
At the same time, however, it’s worth remembering that the initial stages of dating aren’t meant to be overly complicated or convoluted. Instead, whether you’re looking for something serious or something casual, the first few dates are supposed to be about enjoying your time together and having fun.
2. Don’t treat men like lumps of clay for you to mold
Especially when we’re going for a serious relationship, many women have the intuitive desire to tweak and fiddle with their man’s features and traits as if he’s a software product whose settings aren’t adjusted well enough to our needs.
On the one hand, this is understandable and even normal in a serious long-term relationship. Both men and women change each other intentionally and unintentionally during the span of a long relationship.
However, it’s still a good idea to wait for things to get truly serious and stable before you start purposefully poking under his hood, as well as to try and limit such “interventions” to a healthy degree. After all, women aren’t the only ones who want to be loved “just as you are,” if you’ll pardon the Bridget Jones’s Diary quote.
3. Stay safe
For many women out there, this is, thankfully, an unnecessary tip. However, given how prevalent dating violence continues to be, this is something we’d be irresponsible not to bring up. Yes, we can’t be 100% safe when dating, as there is also at least a bit of inherent risk when going out to meet a stranger.
Plus, it often feels silly to take safety precautions too far. However, there are some basic steps every woman should remember to take – phone a friend with the details beforehand, stick to public spaces, at least at first, have a self-defense tool in the purse just in case, and so on.
4. Ask him some questions
One of the biggest pieces of advice about dating men often gets is to ask the woman more questions. “She likes it when you show interest,” “She likes talking about herself,” “She doesn’t want just to sit and listen to you talk about yourself all night” – those are the sort of tips men often get. But here’s the thing – men also like it when they are asked questions.
In fact, from a strictly statistical and psychological point of view, dates are most likely to progress into serious and successful long-term relationships when both sides are genuinely curious about the other. This is hardly surprising when you think about it.
5. Don’t hesitate to shed the dead weight off your life
Women are often critiqued for our inability to break up from toxic relationships. And while that’s actually true for both sexes, when it happens, it tends to be worse for women than it is for men. This is crucial when dating too, as we often fall into the trap of relapsing into a recently-ended relationship after every new subpar date.
This is sometimes done out of passion, and other times, we are just delusionally trying to convince ourselves that said relationship was/is our only chance for a stable long-term thing. Of course, all this does is lower our chances for something good in the future.
Like other types of addiction, relapses do nothing but hurt us, so it’s important to shed off all the dead weight before we can move on.
6. Remember to take pleasure in the process
The fact that we want a serious long-term relationship doesn’t mean we should approach the whole thing as some kind of quest. Dating and relationships are supposed to be fun. Even committed long-term relationships are supposedly done because they feel good, not because they have to be done.
Yet, it’s easy to forget that when you’re stressing out about it, whether it’s going well, whether he really is “The One,” and so on.
7. Consider some non-traditional dating methods
If your current dating attempts aren’t going all too well, it may be worth considering a change of strategy. There are always new places to look, new sites to try, as well as friends and family to ask for a matchmaking tip.
After all, men don’t hesitate to try all sorts of new things in their “meet your wife” quests. Many even look for mail order brides online – a peculiar form of online dating where you’re explicitly looking for a foreign woman who is herself interested in moving into your country.
What’s often not considered, however, is that such mail order bride websites e.g. BridesUniverse.com can actually also be used by local women.
After all, there are literally millions of American men looking for serious relationships with Asian, Latina, African, or Slavic women or such sites, when there are already millions of Asian, Latina, African, and Slavic American ladies already living in the U.S.
8. Not everything has to be perfect, but keep the important things in mind
Perfectionism can be a problem in many different ways, including in your dating life. This issue can become especially pronounced when we decide that we’re going to “get serious” with our dating life.
Yet, as much as it hurts to admit it, Prince Charmings do only exist in fairy tales – trying to get one in real life usually only results in losing out on other good opportunities simply because they weren’t perfect.
Of course, there is an opposite side to this coin as well – trying so hard to ignore imperfections and outright major character flaws that we end up settling for someone we really should not be with. So, finding the right balance is usually key.
9. Be who you are
As tempting as it can be to always try and show our best sides when we’re with a guy we really like, it is important to stay true to who we are too. This is especially true when we’re actively looking for a stable and happy long-term relationship. After all, we can’t keep it up for decades, can we?
10. It’s OK if it takes time
Yes, the dating process can often be frustratingly slow. Often, even when we’ve found the right guy, the progression of the relationship can also seem to take much longer than we’d like. Yet, while it’s OK to nudge things forward when appropriate, it’s usually best not to rush too much.
Not only is it normal for things to take time, but that’s usually a good thing too. After all, a serious, committed relationship or marriage are no simple thing to accomplish.
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